Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
The president of the frat said he was honored to award me "Best Overall Blow Jobs", free admission to all their future parties, and a $20 gift certificate to Denny's. I'm not sure if I feel proud or if that's just the burrito coming back up...
Also, what are the symptoms of syphilis?
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
my poor anus
I believe in your delicious
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
Randomize
