i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
I told him he was like my favorite pair of jeans; I may not wear them every day, but I'll never get rid of them and they make my ass look fantastic. Needless to say he was not thrilled.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
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