The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
That's science, my friend. Boner science.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
Judge me...This apron fits PERFECTLY when I have no clothes on
Who said I was judging? More like congratulating.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
You sent me snap chats of you guys having sex. Like plural. It was like flip book porn, I'm traumatized.
Also, I'm going to TRY and be casual this weekend, but really, we need to be serious about equally dividing our time between party and bullshit.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Ugh... The hoe gods giveth and the hoe gods taketh away.
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
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