Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I want a grilled cheese and an IV
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
