Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
I've broken several federal laws in the name of sex.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
you grabbed the waitors dick and yelled '2nd base' and then he gave you his number. I hate your life.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
The stripper was dressed as the green lantern. Even for a geeky girls' bachelorette party it was lame ass.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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