I would have at least made out with you if you were showered.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Lost another pound. Switching from beer to hard liquor did this body good.
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
During sex his mom asks from the other side of the door, "Do you like avocados?" Who doesn't like avocados?
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
She's passed out with a slice of pizza between her boobs should I just eat it and leave
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
If he moved really quickly from "hi I've had a crush on you for years" to "send nudes" you probably were used.
Randomize
