1:12am: That's just how i roll, and this dress she is wearing is dirty and needs to get pulled over her head.
He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
it only takes four glasses of wine for me to ride an elephant with a stranger.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
Oh god iv'e slept with this police officer before oh god oh god
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
