New invention idea: vibrating tampons
a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
any advancement on the stomach flu vs. pregnancy scare of '10?
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
I vote for a trading skills night. You teach me to juggle, I'll teach you knife fighting, and we'll both learn banjo
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
He did a line of coke off my stomach then flipped me over and smacked my ass. Then, while he was talking dirty to me, he told me he wanted to hire someone to clean my room. And that's when he lost his boner. Life is so hard.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Had sex in a cemetery last night during a thunderstorm. I feel like my goth points have skyrocketed
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
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