Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He thought he was drowning because he was drinking water and intentionally holding his breath. Dear god what did you get me in to.
Oh and now he's calling me Brohammed Ali.
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Running late for a date because I couldn't get my clothes out from under the dude I spent the night with in time to leave when I planned. This is my life.
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
