I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
its like whenever the snow comes all the hott girls drop out of school. where are they
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I wrote myself a letter, like I think drunk me wants to be pen pals or something
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Randomize
