Dude, I just had an awesome rave/orgy with like bunch of hot Asian chicks on a cable car. It was like being in a Gwen Stefani video, cept w/o the bad spelling
God, I love San Francisco.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Whiskey and an unstable home life is apparently the fountain that 20-something boys like to drink from.
Last night I flashed a car full of people my tits for a bag of pretzels so yeah I'd say I was at least tipsy.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I had a dream last night that I used a condom when I had sex. That's how I knew it was a dream
That was just an endearing nickname I called you before. I'm not gonna call you a filthy slut now that you are one, I don't want to hurt your feelings.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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