Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
Waking and baking in my bathtub. In a giant sweater. And no pants. This is going to be the best 420 ever.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Don't you dare blame me for walking in one walking in on ur fuck session....u decided to fuck where we hid our booze
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I've had sex near too many of the blankets to let our parents touch them like this
Just accidentally walked into a parade for Jesus
Not sure how but he broke three of his fingers while giving a blowjob. How does someone that accident prone survive to adulthood?
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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