You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
There's a naked kid on the floor on your side of the bed. Don't freak out when you wake up. I think we need to fix the lock on the door...
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
Randomize
