planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
You know its going to be a good day when you have to brush your teeth out of a cup in your room using the vodka and water mixture in your fridge because you're locked out of your restroom
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
He's only done it missionary. His world is about to be rocked. Do you know what I look like from behind?
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
just bought safety googles to wear so he can cum on my face and not in my eye. SAFETY FIRST!
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
