Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
he just came in and straightened the chair and left again
Have you ever straight up just taken a bite out of a block of cheese? Because it's amazing.
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
thanks for letting me have sex in your bed, too bad you didn't get to yet
who are you?
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