Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
Randomize
