My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
while i am personally glad that we met...i feel like for society as a whole it was a bad thing
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
Does he know you were at a strip club taking shots of tequila right before you babysat his son?
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
