We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Whatever it was. it was pregnant.
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Also, can next Friday be Long Underwear Friday instead of Jockstrap Friday? Because I'm about to cough up a testicle.
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
Whenever someone said no you would yell "Die Motherfucker." Kind of like some twisted drinking game.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
