I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
WE COULD TOTALLY DO ECSTASY AND GO TO THAT CAT SHELTER OFF OF BROADWAY.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
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