M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
Dude, she gave me a handski that literally felt like she was starting a lawn mower...
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Why is "Oprah of drinks" written on my arms?
You said to write it on you, after you kept saying, "You get a drink, you get a drink, everyone gets a drink."
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
