I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Your vagain smells worse when im sober.
sorry, worng number
just ate frosted cheerios in coffee with some marshmellows. the college diet begins
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
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