Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
just heard some guy walking down the street say "butt sex in the sun"
go get him tiger.
i hooked up with some kid with a broken arm and he wouldnt even let me sign his cast
Sunday was the 8 month anniversary when you shot me in the face...just an FYI.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
