we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Jamie's fucking a senior citizen and I'm eating chips and salsa in the shower at 2am, so whatever you're doing it can't be worse.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
Randomize
