she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
he gets drunk and then tries to eat the lasers at the dance club
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
after further investigation i found out he's a little bit married..
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Nothin ruins a fine afternoon like shitting ur pants
I look excited, but its just a facade.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
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