I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Dude, this old lady messaged me on Facebook talking about her grandson and wanted to know shit about me. I'd almost call her a cougar except she looks like mashed potatoes that have come alive.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
Moms love me. I'm the reminder that they need to turn safe search on.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
Kyle passed out in the tub after breaking a glass and shouting, "WHAT ASSHOLE GAVE ME A GLASS?" His girlfriend gave it to him...
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