So I just had this crazy idea, and no it has nothing to do with the fact that they made me take shots at work.
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Jerking off has been your answer to everything tonight.
The 9th floor RA wants to know why we stacked 21 cinder blocks in the shower, and I can't remember. Do you?
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
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