ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
Randomize
