god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
its sad that I know 23 beers will fit into my purse
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
My mom had to physically restrain me because I wouldn't stop acting like a dinosaur.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
Definitely thought about throwing up in the cat box since it's not as far to the bathroom..
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Like my mom really needs to know just how non existent my sex life is
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize
