i just had sex bonerless
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
While he was gone for spring break I took his head board... I don't wanna wake up from his shenanigans for the rest of my college career.
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
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