I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
no more everclear, i just stood next to the toilet and peed my pants. then went back to the party soaking wet.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
To this day, he introduces me as "the girl I met climbing trees at 3 A.M."
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
you just don't appreciate it because you've never been arrested
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
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