I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
You said your face felt like it was made out out of boxes and kept asking me to give you a bath.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
If you haven't seen a huge black man in tiny red snowflake shorts that barely cover his dick, then you don't know what I'm going through.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
My mom has had 5 shots of fireball today and she's still functioning normally... She's just extra polite.
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
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