Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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