There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I just googled dawgpound, shoulda seen that pornsite coming
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
I was told today that I'm the ugliest bartender in the area, so, I guess I have that going for me.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
you know it was a good night when you wake up with a medal around your neck
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
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