i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
i was trying to find the best way to say come over and have sex, without saying it.
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
trying to line up a DD for St Pats Day. i guarantee i will put out. or puke and pass out. really its 50/50 at this point.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
It wasn't like a party or anything. They played PlayStation and talked about sports. Then I threw up on his porch.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
All I remember is talking the cops into calling us a cab instead of giving us PIs while trying to wake up your passed-out-on-a-bench ass.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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