im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
i think i'm in class. and blacked out.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
I'm at about main and main street
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
I want a MapMyFart App, where I can mark every spot where I have ripped one. Like here.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
