dude i was like still drunk, taking pictures of her while she was naked and asleep and she woke up
haha what'd she say
i don't know man, something about us dating. but i never talked to her sober so i said i was making breakfast and snuck out of her house. close calls man WTF
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
I was on etsy and I'm like those boobs look way too familiar
I found an industrial strength sharpie in the drawer so I started writing BONER JAM 2014 on everyone's foreheads so they kicked me out
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
