I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
