so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hey they cleaned all the blood out of the elevator. Also could you pick up some nachos?
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Vocabulary what?!? Shakespeare is my bitch.
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