i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
These pubs in Ireland act like hand jobs aren't the universal currency
Then she yelled something like "YOU HAVE SO MANY FORKS!" before collapsing on the floor
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
Myy bathroom floor makes me think I'm on Mars. Also. Did you realize that yesterday we perfected thee mind high-five??
I just almost said to a customer "P as in Pussy"
Find me a cup with a lid so I can illegally drink in your car. I'll be there in bout 10 minutes.
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
We found you walking up the on ramp to the highway carrying a 40 mph speed limit sign with no shoes on. Rough night?
Got my client divorced finally. He was even awarded the cat ashes. Yep I went to law school for this.
Are you coming over for scrambled eggs and hand jobs?
Randomize
