I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
tailgaiting my last final, a perfect sendoff.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
listen. he fixes things. buys me drinks and sticks his penis in my vagina. age means nothing at this low point in my life.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Life if anyone rolls up to my funeral with shitty weed get them out of there
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
