Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
Raise your hand if you bought 2 annoying girls shots of water. CLOWNS.
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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