Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
Mid way while flirting with this super hot chick at the bar, he gets up and says no thanks I'm only 19 and gay just waiting for my buddy to hurry up and get with your friend.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
They just showed up to the party with a shopping cart full stolen of naty ice cans, no boxes, just cans. Shit just got real !
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm a great relationship counselor. My vagina will let you know if your relationship is gonna work or not.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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