I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
At my place... I'm gonna be honest though stonewall Jackson is not going to be able to rally the troops. Too many shots of tequila
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Literally this kid just told me he's not planning to live past 30. Then he hit himself with a frying pan.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
Randomize
