dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Wait are we really having an orgy on Tuesday?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
You tried to see how many socks you can stuff in yor mouth and I just put on a damp sock. Is this what bestfriends have come to these days???
Randomize
