I'm gonna have a badass scar
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Ran into his mom at the bar, i told her "i know he's married now but I'd still do him"
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
Literally sucked a dick for ten seconds before I said to myself, this tiny ass penis isn't worth it. My night last night
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize