the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not a whore anymore. I gave up 90% of my women for you. I'm a 4-5 woman kind of guy now.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
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