she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
U know u have sex too much when u have lube in ur rolliball on ur blackberry
im gonna make a bucket list just so i can cross off "underwater blowjob"
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
It's ok. Rob's just shotgunning upside down.
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
where are my eyebrows?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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