he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I know everybody has skeletons in their closet but why are all of mine so slutty?
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
I have tasted many bathrooms
Randomize
