just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
The Firefighter Games are going to be in Tampa the same weekend I am. I think God is answering my vagina's prayers.
Bad idea. College students cannot afford both alcohol and a cat. Unless said cat is irish, and can feed itself with fifths of whisky.
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Dude, you went to another fraternity's formal as a joke and came home with one of their dates. AND you managed to get her number. Please explain to me how that's not a good night.
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
