He just screamed at her, "if you pass out i am still having sex with you!!!" In front of the entire party.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
Now that I'm hitting my bong, I realized I haven't missed something so much in a long time. I love Thomas the Dank Engine.
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
you must be at least a level 5 friend to unlock my sexual orientation
it wasnt that bad
you tried to climb into my fireplace while screaming TO DIAGON ALLEY! we didnt even watch harry potter. it was bad
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
