I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
Randomize