Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Guess who just hooked up with the cop that fingerprinted her?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I tried giving you a bj last night and all you could manage was "Haha that tickles" and "in the morning"
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
You would critique a dick pic. Damn art people.
For a guy who won't fuck me, your dick is out a lot when we talk.
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
Her hand jobs are magic. They smell like vanilla and awesomeness. She made me forget how to walk
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