dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
my nick name has gotton too long over the years..C.T.P.S.G.F.P.G.......cock tease private school groupie frat party groupie.
he slipped a picture of a kangaroo under my door that said "im sorry" on the back and passed out on my lawn.. who the fuck is this kid?
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Pretty sure the guy I hooked up with Saturday gave me a buy one get one free coupon for chipotle. Who said nice guys don't exist?
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Randomize
