Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I told her the only thing I had going for me was my huge cock. She said she was willing to overlook my other shortcomings.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
I work 80 hours a week to prevent myself from just laying in bed and masturbating all day. It's a hands off strategy.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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