you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I just fell for a fake 50 dollar bill in a urinal. Fuck pittsburgh
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
Option 1: fuck me and bedtime. Option 2: come fuck me and then hangout with everyone. Option 3: don't fuck me in which case fuck you.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
he told me his feelings for me AFTER sex, so that means he meant it right?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
