just dd'd my mom home while she begged me to let her drunk dial my ex, jammed out to party in the usa, and then passed the fuck out. thanks for the genes mom.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
True bitches know their best friends favorite Boones Farm flavor.
Did you Fuck minivan and her friend last night?
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
uh...sober saturday NEVER has a good ring to it.
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
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