We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
As a gentleman whose genital hole is relatively small, you could imagine my reaction
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Randomize
