According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
At what point last night did I start ordering doubles?
Right after we had the just friends talk..
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Major life highlight, she said my dick taste like coffee.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
Do you realize we were driving someone else’s car and I was holding the wheel while you were driving and sucking my dick. That’s NOT normal
Randomize
