It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
do you think my med school application would be worse off if "I like helping others and shit" slipped into an essay I emailed last night?
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
It's a never ending cycle of men I've fucked knowing other men I've fucked. I need a new town.
You've never really lived until you tell someone you have an STD over snap chat.
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
