I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
Apparently I called 911 everytime Sean Kingston told me to
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
If you know any fat girls who would pay me for sex, I am low on money and morals right now
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
