I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
Is it weird I updated my facebook status from my phone while I had explosive diarrhea in my boss's private bathroom?
That would be awkward if he commented on your status
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
i found a beer bottle on top of the urinal, peed in it and put it back... if anyone gets drunk enough to fall for it they deserve it
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
