Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
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