i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
We are allowed to think Jacob from Twilight is hot in 468 days!
I don't know what is sadder, the fact that you figured that out or the fact that I can't wait until then!!
i wish my penis had a tongue
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
you went around grabbing cigarettes out of peoples mouths and claiming you were curing cancer.
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I smell like gasoline and adventure.
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
Randomize
