12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
whoever brushed my teeth and whitened them while i was passed out, thanks.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Are you setting a date to bone me?
Are you accepting?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
Randomize
