He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
she glued two packs of googly eyes on you while you were blacked out. We talked her out of using her hot glue gun.
ummmm thanks
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
