Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Her vag MUST be made out of starbursts or something equally as delicious.
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
