i either just vomited on a lesbian or a small boy
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
He dyes his hair, fake tans and lies constantly. What did you really expect from him?
A better fuck for starters.
she just asked me to help her create a twitter page for edward cullen's hair.... seriously.
taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
So I came home baked last night and made about 60% of my jeans into jorts...
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
Randomize
