Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card that said congratulations on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
HOW DO I ALWAS FIND THEM?! THERE WAS BE A SOCIETY OF SMALL PENISED MEN AND I MUST BELONG TO IT!
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just high enough for therapy.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Randomize
