and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
half the nation just spent an hour watching a balloon fly around. we are officially the dumbest fucking country.
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
sorry he hasn't talked to me since the surprise salvia incident...
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
I gave him shit for taking my sloppy seconds and when I woke up my eyebrow was gone
By the way, just opened the browser on my phone for the first time today... And it was it the "images" section of "who invented ass fucking"
So thanks for that
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
The guy whose house were at is drunkenly reading green eggs and ham to us in German
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
