Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
Today wasn't Sunday Funday, it was more like Sunday god is taking a shit on my life day
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Randomize
