You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
Ohh the wonderful, yet disgusting things she can do with her hair
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
If life deals in absolutes, the in betweens are the most hairy.... Fortune cookie wisdom from a stoned Megan.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Walked into my campus store carrying a pitcher of sangria. No fucks given. Also this recipe is banging.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm going to confession for the first time in 6 years. Where do I start, the gay sex or rampant alcoholism?
Just realized tomorrow is the anniversary of the time Dean and I glued DJ's leg back together with Neosporin and an Ace bandage. I'm bringing red velvet cupcakes to the party to celebrate.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
