oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
we marched down beaver avenue with lit tiki torches humming the olympics opening song.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
its one thing to be single and another thing to be single and then have your profile picture be of you and the cat
your picture is with misty too!!
I AM SINGLE BY CHOICE
I mean in all honesty I would let James Franco shit on my chest. End of story
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
I have photo proof.
Girl, don't care. What's my rule? If I don't remember it, it never happened.
Randomize
