He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
How do you get mayonnaise out of... well jesus it's everywhere, let's start with carpets
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
Randomize
