There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
i noticed he has a cardboard window on his car and he told me he locked his keys in his car and had to break in...this only makes him more appealing
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Within the hour, he sent me 8 texts and 4 voice memos. One of the memos was just him whistling for 3 minutes. ...It's official, I attract the crazies.
It took me half an hour to realize I didnt know them
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize
